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    Illustrations related to Humor

    Below you will find classic humor--not a long list useless jokes.

    Average number of laughs a person has in a day: 17

    Charis Conn, Editor, What Counts: The Complete Harper's Index.

    The following was submitted for amusement by a person who wishes to remain anonymous.

    Montana Daughter to Carolina Mother--

    Dear Mother:

    "I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. My hubby read in the paper where the most accidents happened within twenty miles of home, so we moved. I won't know the address for awhile yet as the last Montana family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they won't have to change their address.

    This place we're rentin' has a washin' machine. The first day I put four new shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week: three days the first time and four days the second time.

    The coat you wanted me to send that you forgot here was too heavy to send in the mail. So we cut off the big buttons and put them in the pockets.

    We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment on Aunty's funeral bill, up she comes.

    I heard that Sis had a baby this morning but I haven't been over there yet to find out if it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if I'm and Aunt of an Uncle.

    Our neighbor up the road fell in the whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

    Three local kids from DeBorgia went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. The one that was driving rolled down the window and swam out. The two sitting in the back drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.

    Not much to tell this time. Nothin' much happens 'round here.

    Love, Your Daughter

    Source Unknown.

    Spurgeon was a character. His style was so loose he was criticized again and again for bordering on frivolity in the Tabernacle pulpit. Certain incensed fellow clergymen railed against his habit of introducing humor into his sermons. With a twinkle in his eye, he once replied: "If only you knew how much I hold back, you would commend me...This preacher thinks it less a crime to cause a momentary laughter than a half-hour of profound slumber." 

    C. Swindoll, Growing Strong, p. 101. 

    How to cultivate a sense of humor:

    1. Catch yourself in some amusing inconsistency and then laugh at yourself. This is the foundation of a healthy sense of humor.

    2. Note the inappropriate or funny things people say or do in public, and draw parallels between those silly behaviors and your own. Positive humor goes beyond mere criticism to a recognition of our common plight as less-than-perfect human beings.

    3. Include in yor regular reading diet published collections of wit and humor, humor columnists, comic strips, and stories by writers with a well-developed sense of humor.

    4. Occasionally do something harmlessly absurd and totally out of character for your spontaneous entertainment.

    5. Avoid sarcasm, ridicule, and excessive teasing. They hurt rather than heal.

    Source Unknown.

    Classic Humor

    Actress Carol Burnett got out of a cab one day and caught her coat in the door. The driver was unaware of her plight and slowly began to edge out into traffic. To keep from being pulled off her feet, the comedienne had to run alongside down the block. A passerby noted her predicament and quickly alerted the driver. He stopped, jumped out, and released Miss Burnett's coat. "Are you all right?" he asked anxiously. "Yes," she gasped, "but how much more do I owe you?" 

    Bits & Pieces, November, 1989, p. 6.

    Alexander Woollcott: In matters of speech, it's not elegance that interest me but exactness. Precision. Surgical precision. Let me give an illustration--in the pattern of the old story about Noah Webster, the man who wrote the dictionary. Of him it used to be told that his wife once caught him in the pantry in the act of kissing the cook. "Why, Mr. Webster," she said, "I'm surprised." "No, my dear," he replied. "I'm surprised' you're amazed."  

    Howard Teichmann, Smart Aleck.